Week of December 3-9 - Question 2

My favorite thing about the class was the awesome communication Carol had between her students. I didn’t think I’d be able to effectively communicate with an online professor, but I actually had better communication with her than I’ve had with any of my other professors. I liked the word count for the blog posts and comments because it wasn’t ridiculously long and it allowed me to challenge myself by paraphrasing what I had learned. My least favorite thing about the class was that the blog posts had to be posted 12 hours apart from one another. It was really difficult to remember, especially since I would read over all the questions when writing my first post and lose my train of thought after 12 hours. I think others can relate to this because I noticed that when I was looking through blogs to comment on, a lot of people only had one post by the end of the week. Other than that, it was a great class and I learned a lot! :)

Week of December 3-9 - Question 1

Over the course of the semester, I learned everything from understanding emotions, nonverbal communication, to mindful listening. I have discovered that I’m really interested in interpersonal communication as opposed to other concentrations. One of my favorite chapters that I read was chapter eleven, which was about committed romantic relationships. After experiencing several relationships and observing those of my friends, I’ve developed a great interest in romantic relationships and ways to improve them. The fact that there are different love styles and specific stages of romantic development really caught my interest because looking back, I could really pinpoint those love styles and stages associated with my exes. I also learned a lot about myself while reading this chapter. I discovered that I strive for a relationship based on eros, but I am mostly an agape lover. This means that I strive for the kind of romantic love that you see in movies, but often find myself loving others while expecting nothing in return

Week of November 12-18 - Question 3

A concept from this week that I found really interesting are the different relationship types. I wasn’t aware that relationships could be classified into different categories, but they totally make sense. The five different relationship types are vital, total, passive-congenial, devitalized, and conflict-habituated marriage. Vital marriage is a relationship that is very close and where the partners want to physically be with each other all the time. Total is similar, except that the partners aren’t always continuously together. Passive-congenial describes relationships in which the partners are polite and interact, but deal mostly with superficial matters. Next, devitalized is a relationship in which the partners are bored with the relationship. And lastly, conflict-habituated marriage is a relationship that the partners are simply incompatible. I’ve know people that have been involved in each of these types of relationships, and I think the most common type that I’ve observed would have to be a vital marriage

Week of November 12-18 - Question 2

I think that in fifty years, the whole meaning of marriage will evolve into something completely different. I think people are going to have a broader mindset of who can get married, what the best age is, and I think that interracial and same-sex marriages will be absolutely fine. I also think that less people will feel the need to sign documents and put a ring on it in order to be with someone for the rest of their lives. I personally don’t see marriage as something that I necessarily want to do. I like the idea and concept of it, but I don’t see the point of having a huge ceremony to celebrate the love two people have for each other. I see how that was a nice thing to do fifty years ago, but considering how the meaning of marriage has changed so drastically, I don’t think that people should have to feel entitled to do it. A lot of my friends think that if they get married, it means that they will be with the person for the rest of their lives. Unfortunately, with drive-thru divorce kiosks in Nevada and divorce lawyers, the chances of a marriage lasting all of eternity are very slim these days. I just hope that in fifty years people will be more open to the idea of not having to participate in it, but are still able to entertain the idea of (and find) someone who they can spend the rest of their lives with

Week of November 12-18 - Question 1

To me, a family is not defined by a heterosexual man and woman with children. I believe that family is defined by an elevated level of trust that two or more people share. This trust seamlessly transitions into love. I consider family members as people who share this bond that look out for one another. I don’t think that people necessarily need to be bonded by blood in order to be considered family members. My best friend and I have known each other for fourteen years and I consider her my sister. She knows everything about me and although we’re both busy at times, I know if I ever need her she will be there for me. I think that if someone wants to define family differently from mine, I’m in no position to judge their opinion. For example, I find polygamy to be very strange and I don’t understand it, but I would never say that it doesn’t fit the definition of family. The only type of relationship that I have some issues with are arranged marriages. Unless the marriage is arranged and the two individuals make a connection and build trust, I don’t see how they can be defined as family. To me, a piece of paper and a ring has no influence on whether or not you have a stable relationship. It’s about the bond, I can’t say that enough. I wish more people understood that

Week of November 5-11 - Question 3

A subject that I found really interesting in this chapter was that of navigation. Navigation is a process of commitment to your partner that involves going through hardships, good times and bad, as well as dealing with unpleasant surprises. I’ve noticed that many couples don’t successfully navigate their relationships well nowadays. Divorce is very common and it’s rare to see a couple successfully navigate through life unless it’s in a movie. Many couples don’t know how to keep intimacy alive in a relationship after a good amount of time. This is where relational culture comes in, which is an underground world consisting of rules, patterns, understandings, and interpreting what partners need to do in their relationships. It involves ways that couples manage their relational dialectics that include rules and rituals as well as everyday interaction. Another part of navigating is placemaking, which is the process of creating a comfortable personal environment that reflects the values and tastes of the couple.

Week of November 5-11 - Question 2

I have definitely experienced a relationship in which commitment was not present. My last boyfriend and I were together for nearly three years and loved each other very much; in fact, we still do. However, I was his first girlfriend and the fact that he could see himself committing to me in the long run really freaked him out. So much in fact, that he slowly distanced himself so that the commitment between us literally just faded. I haven’t been in a relationship in which there was commitment but not love. But, I’ve definitely witnessed it. My ex’s parents were married for twenty years. They’re currently divorced because they just didn’t love each other anymore. The only reason that they stayed together was for the kids, but even that becomes unbearable after a while. I think that commitment and love go hand in hand. You cannot have a relationship work without each one being present. I mean, if you really tried you could. But it would definitely not be an enjoyable experience.

Week of November 5-11 - Question 1

Posting misleading information about yourself in an online capacity which is being read by a great many other people is unethical and immoral. The person or persons who see the profile begin to believe things that are not true and may find out somewhere later down the line creating more problems for both parties. Online dating site profiles are easy to create and are quite plentiful. However, just as much deception can be present in a relationship that occurs in a face to face relationship. Not very many people are able to read body language and so they are lied to in relationships and never even know it. In an online relationship you can mask who you are and what you do up until you have to see someone via webcam. Online relationships also seem to have a higher percentage of cheating that occurs. In both cases it comes down to basic human nature. Not everyone in the world has morals or ethics and is willing to put them into practice. Deception is just as likely to happen in person as it is face to face.

Week of October 29-November 4 - Question 1

I think that it’s really interesting that there is a website dedicated solely to friendship on the internet. The advice forum has a lot of great topics that were discussed in the chapter such as Friendship Advice, More Than Friends Advice, Life Advice, and everything in between. I was really disappointed to find that when I clicked on the subtopic “Problems with Friends”, it was littered with spam and I didn’t see a single legitimate post regarding the subject on the first page. I think that this site could be a great tool to help others reflect on and strengthen their friendships if it wasn’t so cluttered with spam. Because there are no posts in the subtopics, I can’t say that the website does a very good job of raising issues that were discussed in the chapter, but the topics themselves do reflect a lot of the major topics that the author went over.

Week of October 29-November 4 - Question 2

My best friend Nicole and I have been inseparable for about twelve years now. During this period, we have made a lot of personal investments with one another including time, effort, thought, and feeling. We have built trust with each other by doing what we say we will do and keeping our promises. Not only that, but she has been there through thick and thin and has been the most emotionally reliable person I know. We communicate trust by confiding in one another and helping each other out with no limitations. We have built acceptance by counting on each other and accepting each other’s flaws. For example, as an adolescent I was extremely self-conscious and over time I developed a psychological disorder called exercise bulimia. Without thinking twice about it, she accepted me and my problem and helped me through it. It was a slow process, but it showed me how much she accepted me and it strengthened our trust. Lastly, we have built closeness by talking and listening to one another. Throughout the early stages of our friendship, we stayed in touch by writing letters to each other after I moved away. After a few years of doing this and after we got cell phones, we were constantly talking on the phone and texting each other. This turned into skyping and facetiming, until we eventually wound up going to the same university. By talking to one another we are able to understand our inner selves and provide emotional support.

Week of October 29-November 4 - Question 3

Sexual Attraction is a concept that I found interesting from the section Pressures on Friendships. I’m the kind of girl that associates mostly with men, mostly because I feel that I’m able to communicate my ideas with them better. A lot of my closest friends are guys that are fairly attractive and although it goes unsaid, there are sexual tensions in most of these friendships. The reading states that “when sexual interest is expressed in a friendship, the friends need to have an explicit talk to decide if they are going to remain platonic friends, become friends with benefits, or become romantically involved.” I think that is solid because it has recently happened to me. The sexual tension became problematic between a friend and I and I felt awkward bringing other guys around him (out of fear of making him uncomfortable). We had a talk over the phone and decided that it’s best not to complicate things and that we should just remain platonic friends. I think everyone experiences this situation at some point in their lives and I find it really interesting with how others approach it.

Week of October 15-21 - Question 1

I have personally found it very difficult to confirm others when I disagree with them. I was very introverted as a child but as I grew older and developed a fondness for communication, I was able to express myself easier and communicate my feelings. Reading this chapter has definitely helped me understand how to further express my disagreement with others because I know can now distinguish between recognition, acknowledgment, and endorsement. Recognition refers to recognizing that another person exists with nonverbal behaviors. Acknowledgment refers to acknowledging what another feels, thinks, or says. Lastly, endorsing involves accepting another’s feelings or thoughts. All three of these are levels of confirmation and disconfirmation. I can distinguish these things when I’m in social settings. For example, I know when someone is endorsing me when they say something like “I know how much he means to you, I completely understand why you’re so upset,” or something along those lines.

Week of October 1-7 - Question 1

The organismic view or emotions is the perspective on emotions that makes the most sense to me. It means that when we perceive a situation, we react physiologically first, and from there we experience emotions. The text used examples such as a tingle of anticipation when seeing a gift, or feeling a knot in your stomach when you get a low grade. I can relate to these situations and I know that I always react physiologically before I react emotionally. I remember when I broke up with my ex, before experiencing any kind of emotions I began to feel sick to my stomach and felt like I had a knot in my throat. These are physiological factors, and it wasn’t until after I experienced these things that I reacted emotionally. I think this perspective makes the most sense to me because it allows me to make the connection between my mind and body which results in emotion.

Week of October 1-7 - Question 3

A concept that I found very interesting was in the section called “Choose Whether and How to Express Emotions”. It discussed four guidelines to help you decide how to express emotions. The first guideline was to evaluate your current state. If you’re extremely upset you will see things differently than if you would be happy, and you could end up saying something that you don’t mean. Apparently it takes 20 minutes for our brains to cool down from being angry, so it’s a good idea to rationalize a bit before expressing emotions to others (Wood, 193). Next is to decide who you want to express your feelings to. Sometimes it’s not best to express yourself to the person who is the target of your emotions. You may end up hurting them or saying something you don’t mean, so sometimes it’s best to vent to someone you trust first. The third step is to find an appropriate time to discuss your feelings. The best time is when neither one of you are busy or mentally preoccupied with something. That way, the other person can understand where you’re coming from better. The last step is to choose an appropriate setting to talk. It’s best to avoid discussing personal matters online or over text because things can be taken out of context, and you’re not able to read body language. Speaking in private with the person is usually the best setting because they won’t feel like they’re being put on display.

Week of October 1-7 - Question 2

There are six fallacies that are discussed in the last section of the chapter. They are perfectionism, obsession with shoulds, overgeneralization, taking responsibility for others, helplessness, and fear of catastrophic failure. In my own intrapersonal communication, I have found that I often take responsibility for others. Taking responsibility for others means that you often feel responsible for how others are feeling, and deprive them of taking responsibility for themselves. For example, when I’m in a relationship I often feel responsible for my partner’s feelings. If they’re upset, I will blame myself and feel guilty for how they feel, even if I’ve done nothing wrong. This is something that I definitely need to work on and and revise in my intrapersonal communication. I can start by not being so hard on myself and accept that other people react differently in terms of emotions than I do. Rather than automatically feeling guilty and apologizing for others’ feelings, I can ask them to explain why they feel that way so I can approach the situation differently in the future.

Week of September 24-30 - Question 2

While reading the article “Listening is a 10 Part Skill” by Ralph G. Nichols, I learned that there are 10 things that a good listener must do. The first thing is to find an area of interest in the topic that is being discussed. The second is to judge what the person has to say rather than how they say it. You have to look past the personality or blandness of the speaker and discover what they have to offer. Next, a person must learn to not et excited about the points being discussed until they have been thoroughly understood. Fourthly, the listener must learn to listen for ideas rather than try to memorize each point that the speaker has to make. Next, the listener must be able to take a variety of different types of notes. The best listeners usually have four or five different note-taking systems that they adapt to the discussion. Something that I wasn’t aware of was that listening is characterized by health factors such as faster heart beat, quicker circulation, and a higher temperature. The seventh point was to resist distractions and attempt to concentrate better. Next is to expose the mind to a variety of presentations in order to gain experience in listening to many different subjects. The ninth point is to stay openminded and not allow emotions to be triggered by certain words. Lastly, it’s important to keep in mind that the brain thinks at about four times the speed that people speak at. This gives us a lot of time to allow our minds to wander, however rather than wandering we can use this time to find the key points of what is being said.

Week of September 24-30 - Question 1

The are six forms of nonlistening are pseudolistening, monopolizing, selective listening, defensive listening, ambushing, and literal listening. Pseudolistening is when a person pretends to listen, but in reality their thoughts are drifting elsewhere. Monopolizing is when a person constantly shifts the conversation toward themselves rather than listening to the person who is talking. Selective listening is listening to only particular parts of of a conversation, usually triggered by key words. Defensive listening is when a person only finds criticism and hostility in a conversation, even when it’s non-aggressive. Ambushing is when a person listens carefully to the speaker in order to attack them, usually without having the desire to understand them (this can be seen in debates). The final form of nonlistening is literal listening. Literal listening is when the person literally hears what is being said, but avoids the relationship level of meaning. As stated in my previous post, I often find that I pseudolisten. However, another form of nonlistening that I participate in is selective listening. An example of this can be seen in my previous relationship. We were complete opposites in almost every way and sometimes I just wasn’t interested in what he had to say. Of course I listened, but I would find myself focusing only on certain parts of the conversation. I plan on fixing my selective listening by trying to engage in conversations that interest me, and also by keeping in mind that the information could be useful to remember in the future.

Week of September 24-30 - Question 3

A concept that I found interesting this week was the concept of pseudolistening. When a person pseudolistens they pretend to listen to the speaker, but in reality their minds are somewhere else. People usually do this because they don’t want to offend the speaker by seeming uninterested. The easiest way to tell that someone has been pseudolistening is to listen to their responses. Oftentimes their responses will be tangential or completely irrelevant to the conversation. 

I know that I am guilty of pseudolistening, especially in class. Sometimes it’s just really difficult to focus on what the professor is saying, especially if it’s a really dry topic. I’ll continue to look at the professor and nod my head to appear that I am being attentive, but in reality I’m daydreaming about studying abroad or thinking about my art homework. I think that everyone is guilty of doing this whether it be during a meeting, in class, or listening to a lecture from parents. 

Week of September 10-16 - Question 1

One of the metaphors that I would use for America is a salad bowl. The term itself is very broad and there are many types of salads out there that are not from a specific country, so it’s not implying that one nationality is more dominant than another. With a salad bowl you can mix many different flavors, yet still retain the differences. Another metaphor that’s similar to the traditional term of “melting pot” but slightly different, is a pot luck. At pot lucks, people bring their own dishes for others to try and there’s usually a huge variety of food with flavors stemming from all over the world. This allows you to put a little bit of everything on your plate, yet you’re still able to see and taste the differences between the dishes. I think this is a good metaphor because it’s implying that different cultures are able to mesh together, while still being distinguishable. 

Week of September 10-16 - Question 3

The fact that symbols are arbitrary is something that I found to be very interesting. People often forget that language is simply made up of symbols that are not actually tied to the things that they are referring to. People of the same cultures associate symbols, such as words or signs, with certain physical objects or feelings, but to someone else that symbol could refer to something completely different. For example, older generations referred to the word "sick" as someone being ill, usually with a cough or a fever. Nowadays, younger generations use the word to refer to something as being awesome, even desirable.

Something that I always forget is that names of people are symbols as well. For example, my name is Alexandra, but my mom almost named me Natalie. I don't think that the name Natalie would've fit me, but why not? My name doesn't define who I am or what I do, it simply allows others to be able to distinguish me from a group of people. I think that's something that is often forgotten but is important to keep in mind.

Week of September 10-16 - Question 2

Despite being considered morally objective by most people, hate speech is protected under the first amendment as an important part of our freedom of speech within the United States.  The fundamental argument that protects hate speech is the impossibility of defining what actually constitutes hate speech: while clearly defined cases can be prosecuted under libel, there is a concern that allowing ambiguous cases to be subject would result in more harm coming out of denying the sharing of an unpopular minority opinion rather than good. The web in particular is a hard place to control, since despite being easily accessible it efficiently protects the anonymity of most users. While context usually offers a good indication for which particular instances of hate speech can actively be considered harmful, as in directly the cause of violent or unlawful actions, the seriousness of the threat is difficult to determine. It is easy, in theory, to wish for some universal control against hate speech, however it is important to remember the negative implications of such a law. A lot of people would be outraged and just rebel against it. Because of this, I don't think that there can really be much done to reduce hate speech.

Week of September 3-9 - Question 3

Something that I found interesting from the reading this week was the concept of identity scripts because I never really realized that my opinions on life had been formed so early on. Identity scripts are rules that define how we live and act as the foundation of our lives. They are formed very early on in our childhood by our parents and adult influences which means that the creation of our identity scripts are basically out of our control. It isn’t until we are adults that we can challenge these identity scripts and alter them to fit our lifestyles and personalities. An example from my own life is that when I was little, I was raised as in a religious atmosphere. It wasn’t until I was older that I evaluated this identity script and decided to challenge it. My family wasn’t thrilled about my decision to change this identity script, but after a few years they have come to terms with my differing viewpoints and actually very accepting of this.

Week of September 3-9 - Question 2

Race is a way for people to classify one another, usually just by looking at them. According to the text, “race is considered a primary aspect of personal identity.” I think that race is a good way for the government to easily classify a group of people as a whole; however, I don’t think that it’s the best or most accurate way. The way that we perceive race is far too flawed for us to generalize the people of that group. They might have some similar characteristics (where stereotypes come from), but there’s no way that every person will have those same traits. Plus, as Western society develops there are more interracial children being born which makes it hard for them to identify with just one race. Because of this, I think that Census Bureau should definitely allow people to check multiple races to define themselves. Of course, there has to be a limit on how many boxes can be checked otherwise people will get carried away, but I think three is a good number.

Week of September 3-9 - Question 1

The woman that I talked to that is twenty years my senior was my mom. My mom grew up in Mexico and explained to me how different it was being a twenty year old there than in America. She said despite being over eighteen, she was expected to live at home with her family (which included six sisters and two brothers) and had to follow certain rules. She was expected to clean, cook, go to the market once a day, and follow the family tradition of becoming a lawyer. Anyone who strayed from this proper path was seen as being inappropriate and indecent. She also said that any young woman who had a boyfriend, or especially teens who got pregnant, were outcasted in the town and were portrayed as being cheap. 

The man that I talked to that is twenty years my senior was my dad. My dad grew up in the communist Soviet Union and explained that twenty year olds were expected to obey all laws and stay loyal to the communist government. Since he was an able-bodied male, he was required to join the army for a minimum of two years. Not doing so was seen as inappropriate and was punishable by the law. He said that many teens and young men in their twenties reacted to their frustration by drinking heavily, getting into fights, and experimenting with drugs. 

My neighbor is about forty years older than me, so I decided to interview her as well. She grew up in California as a twenty year old and said that most young women were expected to marry their high school sweethearts and have kids at a young age. She said women were supposed to be obedient and were expected to cook and clean the house, and stay by their husband’s side no matter what. She also said that getting a divorce was seen as very taboo and inappropriate.

My other neighbor who is also about forty years older than me let me interview him as well. He grew up in North Carolina and said that at twenty years old he was expected to help pay the bills, give a portion of his paycheck to his family, and help on the family farm. He was expected to go to church every Sunday and join the military. Not helping out with the bills was seen as inappropriate, and when he picked up and moved to California his family told him he was ungrateful.

With these interviews, I realized that men and women of older generations were much more family-oriented and hard working than the twenty year olds of today. Most of them followed society’s standards and followed the path that was set for them. It was seen as inappropriate to stray from these paths, or to travel and discover what else is out there. Nowadays, wanderlust is encouraged and creating your own path is essential. People are much more liberal with their views today in comparison to how they were forty years ago and twenty year olds have much more freedom to do what they wish.

Week of August 27-September 2 - Question 3

A concept in the book that I found interesting was Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. I’ve learned about it in three other classes: Career Exploration, Intro to Psychology, and Intro to Business. There are five levels in Maslow’s pyramid ranging from basic to abstract needs. The first level is physical needs for survival which includes very basic needs such as air, water, and food. The next level is safety needs such as shelter. Shelter is one of the most basic needs because it protects us from danger and harm. The next level is belonging needs including interaction, acceptance, and affirmation. We need others to enjoy life and being social is the middle need. The second to last level is self-esteem needs which involves having self respect and being valued by others. Lastly, the most abstract need is self-actualization. What this means is to fully develop our talents and abilities. According to my psychology professor, a very small percentage of people achieve this level of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. In order to achieve this, one must refine talents that they have already developed.

Week of August 27-September 2 - Question 2

A relationship of mine that has become closer over time is with one of my closest friends, Pranil. During the earliest stage of our friendship, neither one of us liked each other. To put it simply, I thought he was an a**hole and he thought I was a b*tch. It was definitely an I-You relationship at the time because we would make small talk and acknowledge each other’s existence, but we wouldn’t get too personal. We would see each other at parties and ask one another how their day was going and if they wanted another drink, but that was the extent of our conversation. 

It wasn’t until I called him out one night on running his mouth that we strangely gained respect for each other and became more communicative at parties. We began talking about politics and religion, but would avoid talking about personal matters. Fast forward a year and a half, and both of our three year relationships with our partners had ended. Because our situations were similar, we were able to help each other through that difficult time and grow closer in our friendship. It’s now been four years since I met him, and he’s one of my best friends; we talk about everything. There wasn’t really a difference in our shared fields of experience. The friendship definitely progressed at an equal pace.

Week of August 27-September 2 - Question 1

The textbook discusses two different models of interpersonal communication: linear models and interactive models. Linear models are portrayed as very one-sided, with information only moving in one direction. It’s not a realistic model of communication for the real world because, assuming that the listener is paying attention, they will usually give feedback. Interactive models are more realistic in the sense that it allows listeners to respond to speakers. However, it’s still a flawed model because it still portrays one person as a speaker and one person as a listener when in reality, both subjects send and receive messages. 

An example of a linear model from my life is when I would be scolded by my parents when I was younger. If I did something wrong they would lecture me and it would be very sequential. An example of an interactive model would be getting feedback during the art critiques in my 2D Design and Color Concept class. The class critiques a piece of art from someone in the class and gives feedback as to what they like about the piece, and how it could be improved.

Introduction

Hey class :)

My alias is tiziann. I'm a third year at SJSU and I'm majoring in communication studies/minoring in graphic design. I'm currently a receptionist at a spa and go to school full time. I love being in nature more than anything, it's totally my element. I like to hike, hit the gym, ride street bikes, and cook. I'm a pescetarian, meaning that I don't eat any meat other than fish. I just can't give up sushi!

If you have any questions, let me know! x

tiziann