Week of October 15-21 - Question 1

I have personally found it very difficult to confirm others when I disagree with them. I was very introverted as a child but as I grew older and developed a fondness for communication, I was able to express myself easier and communicate my feelings. Reading this chapter has definitely helped me understand how to further express my disagreement with others because I know can now distinguish between recognition, acknowledgment, and endorsement. Recognition refers to recognizing that another person exists with nonverbal behaviors. Acknowledgment refers to acknowledging what another feels, thinks, or says. Lastly, endorsing involves accepting another’s feelings or thoughts. All three of these are levels of confirmation and disconfirmation. I can distinguish these things when I’m in social settings. For example, I know when someone is endorsing me when they say something like “I know how much he means to you, I completely understand why you’re so upset,” or something along those lines.

Week of October 1-7 - Question 1

The organismic view or emotions is the perspective on emotions that makes the most sense to me. It means that when we perceive a situation, we react physiologically first, and from there we experience emotions. The text used examples such as a tingle of anticipation when seeing a gift, or feeling a knot in your stomach when you get a low grade. I can relate to these situations and I know that I always react physiologically before I react emotionally. I remember when I broke up with my ex, before experiencing any kind of emotions I began to feel sick to my stomach and felt like I had a knot in my throat. These are physiological factors, and it wasn’t until after I experienced these things that I reacted emotionally. I think this perspective makes the most sense to me because it allows me to make the connection between my mind and body which results in emotion.

Week of October 1-7 - Question 3

A concept that I found very interesting was in the section called “Choose Whether and How to Express Emotions”. It discussed four guidelines to help you decide how to express emotions. The first guideline was to evaluate your current state. If you’re extremely upset you will see things differently than if you would be happy, and you could end up saying something that you don’t mean. Apparently it takes 20 minutes for our brains to cool down from being angry, so it’s a good idea to rationalize a bit before expressing emotions to others (Wood, 193). Next is to decide who you want to express your feelings to. Sometimes it’s not best to express yourself to the person who is the target of your emotions. You may end up hurting them or saying something you don’t mean, so sometimes it’s best to vent to someone you trust first. The third step is to find an appropriate time to discuss your feelings. The best time is when neither one of you are busy or mentally preoccupied with something. That way, the other person can understand where you’re coming from better. The last step is to choose an appropriate setting to talk. It’s best to avoid discussing personal matters online or over text because things can be taken out of context, and you’re not able to read body language. Speaking in private with the person is usually the best setting because they won’t feel like they’re being put on display.

Week of October 1-7 - Question 2

There are six fallacies that are discussed in the last section of the chapter. They are perfectionism, obsession with shoulds, overgeneralization, taking responsibility for others, helplessness, and fear of catastrophic failure. In my own intrapersonal communication, I have found that I often take responsibility for others. Taking responsibility for others means that you often feel responsible for how others are feeling, and deprive them of taking responsibility for themselves. For example, when I’m in a relationship I often feel responsible for my partner’s feelings. If they’re upset, I will blame myself and feel guilty for how they feel, even if I’ve done nothing wrong. This is something that I definitely need to work on and and revise in my intrapersonal communication. I can start by not being so hard on myself and accept that other people react differently in terms of emotions than I do. Rather than automatically feeling guilty and apologizing for others’ feelings, I can ask them to explain why they feel that way so I can approach the situation differently in the future.

Week of September 24-30 - Question 2

While reading the article “Listening is a 10 Part Skill” by Ralph G. Nichols, I learned that there are 10 things that a good listener must do. The first thing is to find an area of interest in the topic that is being discussed. The second is to judge what the person has to say rather than how they say it. You have to look past the personality or blandness of the speaker and discover what they have to offer. Next, a person must learn to not et excited about the points being discussed until they have been thoroughly understood. Fourthly, the listener must learn to listen for ideas rather than try to memorize each point that the speaker has to make. Next, the listener must be able to take a variety of different types of notes. The best listeners usually have four or five different note-taking systems that they adapt to the discussion. Something that I wasn’t aware of was that listening is characterized by health factors such as faster heart beat, quicker circulation, and a higher temperature. The seventh point was to resist distractions and attempt to concentrate better. Next is to expose the mind to a variety of presentations in order to gain experience in listening to many different subjects. The ninth point is to stay openminded and not allow emotions to be triggered by certain words. Lastly, it’s important to keep in mind that the brain thinks at about four times the speed that people speak at. This gives us a lot of time to allow our minds to wander, however rather than wandering we can use this time to find the key points of what is being said.

Week of September 24-30 - Question 1

The are six forms of nonlistening are pseudolistening, monopolizing, selective listening, defensive listening, ambushing, and literal listening. Pseudolistening is when a person pretends to listen, but in reality their thoughts are drifting elsewhere. Monopolizing is when a person constantly shifts the conversation toward themselves rather than listening to the person who is talking. Selective listening is listening to only particular parts of of a conversation, usually triggered by key words. Defensive listening is when a person only finds criticism and hostility in a conversation, even when it’s non-aggressive. Ambushing is when a person listens carefully to the speaker in order to attack them, usually without having the desire to understand them (this can be seen in debates). The final form of nonlistening is literal listening. Literal listening is when the person literally hears what is being said, but avoids the relationship level of meaning. As stated in my previous post, I often find that I pseudolisten. However, another form of nonlistening that I participate in is selective listening. An example of this can be seen in my previous relationship. We were complete opposites in almost every way and sometimes I just wasn’t interested in what he had to say. Of course I listened, but I would find myself focusing only on certain parts of the conversation. I plan on fixing my selective listening by trying to engage in conversations that interest me, and also by keeping in mind that the information could be useful to remember in the future.

Week of September 24-30 - Question 3

A concept that I found interesting this week was the concept of pseudolistening. When a person pseudolistens they pretend to listen to the speaker, but in reality their minds are somewhere else. People usually do this because they don’t want to offend the speaker by seeming uninterested. The easiest way to tell that someone has been pseudolistening is to listen to their responses. Oftentimes their responses will be tangential or completely irrelevant to the conversation. 

I know that I am guilty of pseudolistening, especially in class. Sometimes it’s just really difficult to focus on what the professor is saying, especially if it’s a really dry topic. I’ll continue to look at the professor and nod my head to appear that I am being attentive, but in reality I’m daydreaming about studying abroad or thinking about my art homework. I think that everyone is guilty of doing this whether it be during a meeting, in class, or listening to a lecture from parents.